I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Is it because I queefed?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
