Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
