all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
