my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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