Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
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