i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
