if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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