Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
