I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
