the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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