when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
