i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
