If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
