I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Randomize
