I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
