Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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