we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
