Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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