i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
