just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
