i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize