The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
