Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
