Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
