I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
