my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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