found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize