Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
