my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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