Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
