If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize