At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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