If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
