I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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