Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
