but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
