billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize