Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
