if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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