I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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