Already got asked if we're dating
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize