Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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