You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm always down for nudity.
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