Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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