she was so not down for the gang bang
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
