Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
