i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
