What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
