I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
