WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
