I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
