Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Ladies don't puke and tell
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
