I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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