It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
There's always time for handjobs
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
