He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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