At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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