Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
