Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
