dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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