it was like his penis was on wheels.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
