No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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