so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
