Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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