Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
