the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
