just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You left your underwear on the fireplace
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
